I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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