I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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