There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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