he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
