saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
