It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
