You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you had me at cake vodka
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
