i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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