Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
