They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
