it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
