apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
