Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
