A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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