I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize