just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
