please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize