Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
