I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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