Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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