so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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