Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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