I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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