I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How's work?
Spinning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
