She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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