doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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