i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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