textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
false alarm. still invincible.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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