The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize