what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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