I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
