why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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