She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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