i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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