how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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