xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
