All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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