i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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