either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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