hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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