Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
