he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drake has all the answers
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
