my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
