I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
