How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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