i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
