His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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