your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
