Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we made out on top of his cat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
do nipples grow back?
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