That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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