You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
