all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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