You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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