You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
