I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
