Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
