Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
