hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
did you just send me my own nude
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
