yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
