Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
