U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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