I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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